As I move on to the next chapter of my life, 2018, there are so many things that I don’t want to associate myself with by carrying them forward with me, baggage that I am not ready to let weigh me down.
These baggage are the main reason why I feel like my life now, is a total mess because I feel like I’ve not been able to achieve all that I wanted, and no matter how much I may be told that what I have achieved is good enough, it’s not.
I’m not sure whether what is bothering me is just the need to procratinate things so that I can get a chance to do just nothing, nothing which will definately result into nothing, as I sometimes called it “working on myself”, or just something else entirely. I’m also not sure whether it’s me feeling not being worth anything by the fact that I’ve procratinated alot of things, which if I would have undertaken, I would be better off than I am right now.
Things happen for a reason I know, but when you are the sole cause of these things, they just don’t fit in to that bracket of fate.
I know exactly what I want, and what I need to do to achieve them, but I just don’t think I know how to kick-start the process. Sometimes I wonder, what’s the need of being a dreamer without acting on your dreams, what’s the need of just being a dreamer?
New chapters in life come with new everything, from successful moments to most dissappointing moments, but what about the unfinished businesses of the past chapters, should I use them as instruments of motivation, or just live in them? I don’t know, but what I do know is that I don’t want to live in the past, it’s gone and there’s nothing there for me now and tomorrow, but again how can I let it go yet it still bugs me so much? Am I insane? Is this a problem that needs professional support? Maybe I do need help, but how do you ask for help when your so used to helping yourself, that power of self-reliance is just going to be taken away…
When you feel powerless you become powerless. Is seeking for help mean you’re powerless? I don’t know. But all I know is that I need help, I can’t keep on living in the past while in the present, I need to learn to let go. Infinite great things are waiting for in 2018 and the rest of my life, and I’m not going to achieve any of them if I carry the past with me.
I’m going to find help. First step in my new life’s resolutions.